13 September 2017

Rebrand Myself

If you've been following me on Instagram or Tumblr (let's pretend someone has), you will notice that I have a noticeable transformation with my illustration style. I used to draw with outlines and pastel or soft color palette but a couple months ago, I woke up one day and suddenly decided that I need a change.

Drawing with outlines gives me the sense of control and I really enjoyed it, but somehow, I just don't feel like showing the outlines anymore. It's the feeling of control that sometimes makes me feel limited, that I had to be precise in order to make the drawing looks okay or at least not distorted. Outlines are great because it helps achieve a neat picture and I don't have to worry if an object is not showing enough because I can always have the outline to help me define what I want to portray.

My drawing formula was simple: sketch, outline neatly, color inside the line, texture, done. But what if I don't want it simple? And so I said to myself that I don't want to follow this formula anymore. I literally stopped drawing for weeks just to look back at my old works thinking that I don't want to draw like this anymore. And it was scary.

Never once in my life have I ever had the urge to change my drawing so bad. I told my husband one day about what I felt, that there was something wrong with my illustration style that I wanted to change but he just didn't get it. He said I just had a unique style, that there was nothing wrong with my drawing and that the beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and all of them were right. I just thought I was having a low self-esteem attack. I probably was, but I know something is really wrong.

So, I decided to do some experiments for the past couple months or so. I draw and draw and draw. I studied other illustrations, wondering what makes a drawing nice or not nice, what I want to use and not use. But this time, I don't want to be limited by a certain way or formula. I just draw.

It was tough and I wanted to give up so many times. I find it hard to believe because I was just a week away from publishing my book that I had done with my old illustration style. I should be proud, but yet, I still want a change. I blamed myself for not having enough skill and my brain for keep wanting an instant and pleasing result. I even thought that I needed some art classes to sharpen my artistic side. I want to find a style that I really enjoy and stick to it, but of course, it's not easy.

Jumping to conclusion, I have found a better vision now. I gave up my old style and rebrand my whole portfolio with a set of brand new illustrations style: no outlines, rich of vibrant and bright colors, more crayon-ish. I'm quite happy with this change and I can feel more and more comfortable with it. Let's say, I just passed a phase of growing up and found my new identity. Will I ever have the need to change this identity again in the future? Probably. But I've come to realize that everything doesn't need to be perfect and I accept the fact that things do change after time, including my possession.

+ Carolynn +